A Week From Today

A week from today, I will be drinking mimosas and getting facials with my friend Naomi (congratulation on your MBA from Penn!) and my little sister (congratulations on being a cog in the giant corporate machine!) in Philadelphia.

And two weeks from today, I will be at the beach in Texas with my godson Torian, whose picture adorns this blog. (He is the one not wearing a cowboy hat and bikini.) Side note because it's funny: he was recently overcome with fear of "little people." I can understand that, it would have to freak you out if you were 4 and there were suddenly grown-ups who were your size. Tori saw his first little people in Target and was simultaneously terrified and mesmerized. He dragged his mom after them and, when he couldn't find them in the aisle, whispered earnestly, "Maybe they were magic."

Magic little people in Target. I would love to live inside that kid's brain.

Anyway, the most notable thing is that before I make it to Philly and then Texas, I will graduate from Harvard. All the graduates from every Harvard school will gather in the Yard on Thursday. Someone will give a speech in Latin, professors will show up in their colorful regalia, there will be pomp and circumstance, and you can mock it for pretentiousness but I will be part of a ceremony that is older than this country, part of a tradition that goes back to a mere 16 years after the first Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. For all the "liberal elite Ivy League" reverse snobbery that the Sarah Palins of the world like to throw at Harvard, there is no more American place, and I am proud to take my place among the ranks of its alumni, who are present in every field of endeavor and every corner of the globe.

Here's a glimpse of where I've spent the last three years:

In Harvard Yard in the Fall

Widener Library, where I spent more time than I care to remember.

This is the statue of John Harvard.  You're supposed to touch his foot for good luck.  You're not supposed to know that drunken undergraduates routinely have contests to see who can make their urine arc elegantly onto John's foot.

This is the view from the steps of Widener Library, across Harvard Yard to Memorial Church.  It's  a sight that makes an all-nighter at the library almost bearable.

Veritas.

What Price Freedom?

Harvard has experienced its own tempest-in-an-ideological-teacup of late. Because anything that happens at Harvard seems to have traction beyond our ivy-covered walls, it has made the news and various blogs, and has me thinking about how free we really are in this place that makes such lofty claims to academic liberty and freedom of inquiry.

A third-year law student sent an email to some dinner friends following up on a conversation they had had at dinner. In it, she suggests that she is open to the idea that African-Americans are genetically predisposed to be less intelligent than whites, at least in such quantifiable ways as standardized testing.

She also indicates that she could be persuaded that cultural and social factors account for the achievement gap, but that so far, she doesn't find the science on either side to be conclusive. That's her big statement: she is unpersuaded by the studies coming from either direction, and she wants to stay open to all the possibilities. (As it happens, she did undergraduate research at Princeton with sociologist Thomas Espanshade, whose research focuses on race and achievement, so I'd wager a guess that she's actually given more serious thought to this topic than her dinner guests.)

The predictable happened. One of her "friends" forwarded the email to the Black Law Students Association, which then forwarded it to what seems like every Black Law Students Association in the country. It made it onto widely-read blogs like Jezebel and Gawker, invariably with headings like "Harvard Law Student's Racist Diatribe." Now various groups are putting pressure on the federal judge she is slated to clerk with to rescind her clerkship, the dean has condemned her statements, and one can safely assume she is persona non grata at HLS these days.

My concern here is not for Stephanie, who I'm sure will come through this just fine. My concern is for the message sent when the dean condemns a dinner conversation amongst bright, inquisitive students who have the gall to question the accepted orthodoxy. It is for the right to question the things that we assume we know, the right to be wrong even, the right to say "I'm just not persuaded."

The truth is, there is nowhere where this kind of debate and discussion should be more welcome than in the academy. We should be the absolute safest place for this kind of boundary-pushing. There should be nothing, absolutely nothing, that is off-limits; there should be nothing sacred, nothing that cannot be reinvestigated and criticized and examined. And it is intellectual death when we stop being that place.

At least Stephanie had the courage to say it out loud. That allows other people to argue back: to rebuke, to criticize, to challenge, to lay out their own position and the evidence supporting it. Because I promise you: for every Stephanie who has the balls to actually verbalize her misgivings, there are a hundred white kids who silently wonder, "But why *is* it that Africa is so underdeveloped and can't seem to get their act together? Why is it that even when you control for income and parents' educational level, there is still a racial gap in SAT scores?" They don't say it out loud; saying it out loud gets you branded a racist and that's the end of any career aspirations you might have had (not to mention any social life you had), as Stephanie's case has so starkly reminded us. But the questions will sit there. And if we're not willing to have those conversations in academia, with the best minds and best resources, we should not be surprised when the questioners find other people with whom to have those conversations. And you won't like who they're talking to. Rumor has it that various white-supremacist groups have already contacted Stephanie to offer their support. "Come to a meeting"--that's not where you want the conversation to be happening.

The tamping down on any line of questioning that violates our social orthodoxies should be chilling to anyone who cares about intellectual rigor and freedom. For one thing, it calls into question any studies and conclusions drawn from them that may emerge down the road: after all, if you were an academic investigating racial inequity and knew that having an undesirable data set would jeopardize both your professional and social standing, wouldn't you at least be tempted to make sure your study comes down on the "right" side of the discussion? And even if you didn't, doesn't the fact that I'm even asking the question throw doubt on the integrity of your research? Because if we can't ask the questions honestly, we can't trust any of the conclusions that follow.

In Stephanie's email, she wrote, "I think it is bad science to disagree with a conclusion in your heart, and then try (unsuccessfully, so far at least) to find data that will confirm what you want to be true." In other words: it's intellectually dangerous to decide what you believe and then manipulate the data to confirm it. We should all be able to agree on that, whether or not we like the particular questions Stephanie is asking. At least by asking, she's giving people the chance to answer. The next bright, questioning kid with an eye on a federal clerkship or a plum job at a firm won't ask the question, after seeing what's happened to Stephanie. He'll just quietly wonder, and draw his own conclusions.

And that's not good for any of us.

Of Derby Hats and Delightful News

Last week I went to the annual HDS ball:

And yesterday I went to a Kentucky Derby party, where my horse finished in dead last place but my hat and dress were a blazing success (and you can't see it here, but I am wearing silver flats, which were A-DOR-A-BLE with the dress):

Sadly, I do not spend all my time gallivanting about like a debutante, since a) I don't come from an old-money family, and b) it's not 1882. In the midst of my social commitments, I also find time to write tedious final papers and secure summer employment and make plans for the next year.

Yes, friends, I have plans for the next year, humdullallah. Harvard, in a fit of poor judgment, is funding my independent study proposal and I will be living in South Africa for at least a year. It was such an insanely long shot when I applied for it so it's the understatement of the decade to say I am pleasantly surprised. I'll leave in August or September, no final date yet as I am waiting for the ridiculous World Cup-inspired airfare prices to approach normalcy again. My project is on the role of religious institutions in facilitating dialogue around issues of racial justice and reconciliation and adding their voices to the conversations in political science, sociology and international relations that have appropriated these words but don't recognize that they are implicitly theological...hello? hello? I have totally lost you, haven't I? I know, it's of interest only to me and, apparently, the Harvard committee on graduate fellowships. But that is enough. It's a variation on the old "me plus God equals a majority" line we learned in Sunday School. Me plus the fellowship committee=exactly as many people as I need to be interested in this project.

Anyway, more plans as they emerge, but obviously the door is open to any of you who want to visit.

Lesson for the Young'Uns

I sat on a panel discussion this week of grad students who had spent time in Africa. We were talking to about 75 Harvard undergrads who will be spending their summers in internships and research all over Africa.

During the Q&A, I remembered a story that I haven't shared with you all, and it is still funny, so I'll share it now. It comes under the heading of "even when you are trying to be culturally sensitive, you will inevitably fail, and you have to be able to laugh about it."

On my last trip to SA, I was staying over at my friend Lynette's house. Lynette's housekeeper, Miriam, was making breakfast for me, and it just...kept...coming. Scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, yogurt, fruit, more toast. I'd been told it was very rude to waste food, so I was gamely eating everything that was served although I was starting to feel slightly nauseous, but before I could tell Miriam I was finished, she brought 4 more pieces of toast.

I couldn't eat them. I knew, in my heart (and stomach), that if I ate the toast, all my breakfast was going to end up in a puddle on the floor. So I did the only reasonable thing.

I kicked it under the sofa and told myself I would get it that night after Miriam had left. I knew I didn't have time in the brief moment her back was turned to make it all the way to the trash can and back.

Later that night, I remembered the toast and dove under the sofa to get it. Turns out Miriam is a very thorough cleaner: the toast was not there. I told Lynette what had happened and moaned, "She's going to think I'm the crazy American who hoards toast under the furniture!" Lynette proceeded to chastise me about how we come from different food cultures and you absolutely cannot waste food in South Africa, it's offensive, and I'm saying "I KNOW this, Lynette, that's why I was TRYING not to seem wasteful, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME FIX IT."

So we went over to Miriam's and I apologized and Lynette proceeded to speak with her in Xhosa, giving an explanation that, I later found out, did in fact amount to "she's a crazy American, they have strange and mysterious ways." Miriam gazed at me stonily the whole time. I'm pretty sure I never redeemed myself in her eyes.

However, as I found out this week, the story is good for a laugh, and a cautionary tale: your best efforts at cultural sensitivity will still fail. Laugh about it and move on.

I'm off to a Kentucky Derby party shortly. Photos will be forthcoming.

Home Stretch

I have lots of blogs saved up from the last couple of months, and I might actually get to them soon since it's the last month of school, in which I traditionally seek out anything to do other than the work that will allow me to graduate (which currently involves writing at least 100 pages and about 10 times as much reading in order to write the aforementioned 100 pages).

However, for now, let's look ahead, beyond graduation, to the Summer of Frivolity and Slackness I am meticulously planning. Boston is currently being a bitch-goddess intent on reminding her minions that they exist only at her whim, having teased us all with temperatures in the 60s and 70s and lots of clear, bright days, only to drop down into the 40s and dump a lot of freezing rain on us the last couple of days. I shake your dust from my feet, Boston, I am so OVER IT.

So, summer. For those wondering what I will be doing post-grad (if any of them are still reading, since I haven't blogged in 4 months), the answer is "God knows," said with utmost reverence. Honestly, I have no idea. In my ideal world, I'll win a fellowship that will fund a year of study in South Africa; I should know my fate in that regard by the end of the month. Failing that, I don't know what I will do. I'm not too worried, though. I come through in the clutch. Meanwhile, I am more focused on my summer of awesomeness, which I am planning whether or not I go to Africa (if I go, it won't be till August/September).

Summer delights:

1) Laid-back work that pays enough for gas and Starbucks and occasional forays to Sephora. I might teach swim lessons at the YMCA, might work with kids at church. Whatever it is, it will not be overly intellectual or isolated, it will be relational and physical. I'm trying to rebalance after three years in academia.

2) Beach trips. Lots of trips to Galveston, one to Padre, one to Mobile with Mijha which we are calling our White Trash Vacation as we intend to lay on the beach all day and gamble at the offshore casinos all night. PURELY AWESOME. Also, we have matching T-shirts for this vacation. They say "100% Pure American Infidel" with the word "kaffir" (which just means "unbeliever" in Arabic, not the racially pejorative term it became in South Africa) written in Arabic. I figure as long as we don't run into any Arabic-reading South Africans in Alabama, we're safe. Which means: we're safe. We will be rocking this look with bikinis and cowboy hats. We are insanely excited. Also, right after graduation I'm headed to the Jersey Shore with my little sister and brother-in-law.

3) Breakfast tacos. Maybe every day.

4) My parents have a new dog! A big one, which is the best kind. He is partly white and partly black and kind of a mutt and my dad wanted to name him Barack. Saner heads prevailed and his name is Harley. Harley will be my new running buddy.

5) Miller Outdoor Theatre, this great outdoor venue in Houston where they have concerts and plays and you can sit on the hill and bring food and drinks and enjoy the one time of day (nightfall) when Houston is not oppressively hot.

6) Reading things that are not assigned for class. My friend Jenny and I will be reviving our book club, which is really our margarita club. Also, I will be mixing in some old classics (Bleak House, Anna Karenina, maybe some Faulkner) with totally mindless chick lit. I may also try to tackle one author's ouevre, but I haven't decided whose; I'm leaning towards Elizabeth Gaskell or George Eliot. I'm accepting all reading suggestions now.

7) Did I mention margaritas? They're not confined to book club.

8) Movies, starting with Sex and the City 2 which I could NOT BE MORE EXCITED FOR. My sis and I are seeing it the weekend I graduate. We saw the first one together the weekend before I left for SA the first time, so I'm pretty pumped. I intend to see lots of fun mindless summer movies. Also, I have a summer movie project: epic films. I think I can drag my dad into this project with me. I figure we'll start with the Star Wars trilogy (only the original, natch) and Lord of the Rings and move on to both old-school epics (Lawrence of Arabia, Zulu--I considered adding Gandhi in here but I don't think you get to be an epic just because you're super long) and moving on to 300, Troy, Braveheart, etc. My friend Melissa, an epic connoisseur, will my advisor in this project.

9) First Fridays at Chacho's Mexican restaurant drinking margaritas and chilling with the girls in Third Ward.

10) Soccer at twilight. Perfection.

11) Apparently Houston has all these cool new parks, who knew? And most of them are great for playing with kids and have some sort of water component. I love Hermann Park's water park, I would go by myself except then I look like a pedophile scoping out the kids so I take my friend Roz's kid as a cover.

12) Sitting outside at Starbucks with Phenias and drinking frappucinos while we tease each other. He is a pretty good trash talker now and I take a lot of pride in that.

13) Church. I love my church so much it deserves its own post. I can't wait to be back with my church and my friends and summer evenings spent together at someone's house, cooking out and laughing and enjoying each other.

14) Sonic, which will go a long way towards helping me meet my summer goal: hitting 120 pounds and invoking my dad's promise to take me to Egypt when I got there.

15) Baseball games at MinuteMaid Field. Yeah, the Astros suck this year, which is unfortunate. But tickets are $5 and it's classic Americana, so you really can't beat it.

16) Road trip to Austin to see the cousins, go to the lake, eat more breakfast tacos in the city even the NY Times concedes is the breakfast taco capital of the world, and hit the outlet mall.

17) World Cup madness! I toyed with the idea of going to South Africa for the World Cup since I'd have a place to stay for free, but it was still going to be crazy expensive, and I hate crowds. I know, I'm 85 and you can call me Ma-Maw. However, I will be watching the World Cup the way the Beautiful Game was meant to be watched: in a bar with cheap booze and plentiful sunshine where one can watch one's favorite teams lose for free. (Or, alternately for the earlier games, on the sofa in my pajamas eating breakfast tacos.)

What are your ideas of summer fun? I'm compiling a list, so I'm open to all suggestions.

The TV Tells Me About Myself

Do y'all ever feel that way, like you see uncomfortable glimpses of yourself on TV and realize there but for the grace of God, etc?

Intervention does that for me. I like to watch it with a drink and feel smug that no one has yet approached me to be in a "documentary about addiction." (By the way, when are the addicts going to catch on to that? I mean, they watch TV. Especially the ones on meth or coke where they stay up for 72 hours at a time, and Intervention likes to run middle-of-the-night reruns. You gotta know one of these days one of them is going to get approached and say "Waaait a minute, sucker, I've heard this song before" and it will be like Punk'd when Ashton Kutcher had to cancel the show because every time something weird happened to a celebrity they were like "Ashton?! ASHTON! Am I getting punked?")

On the other hand, as this week has shown, I am totally dependent on Klonopin which I've been on since I was 16 for Tourette's syndrome. I accidentally left my prescription up in Cambridge so I had to get a refill here in Houston, but it took several days. Meanwhile I had imsomnia, weird dreams, loss of appetite, irritability, nausea, anxiety, muscle cramps and fatigue, and tingling in my face. According to the interwebs, Klonopin is a Class 1 narcotic and has withdrawal symptoms similar to heroin. The things they don't tell you when they put you on mind-altering drugs during adolescence...sigh.

However, I am back on it and feeling fine now, and as I told my dad, we should just think of it as insulin, the kind of med you might be on your whole life but which enables you to live fairly normally and which, in my case, does a good job of controlling the Tourette's. However, I do watch Intervention now feeling like there's just a bottle of cheap wine between me and that shady hotel room with all my loved ones and the interventionist (who I will totally recognize from the show, duh).

So I'm switching my attention to Hoarders. I can still maintain my moral superiority there. There's a lot of crazy on that show, and I highly recommend it to those who need assurance that their little idiosyncracies are nothing to worry about as long as their back issues of Reader's Digest from the 1950s aren't threatening to take over their house and force them to find a new abode.

One Village Elder to Another

This post comes to you courtesy of a few hours spent studying at Starbucks while various yuppie parents let their children run around like they were at Chuck E Cheese:

Raise Your Damn Kids.

I recognize that saying that puts me squarely in the category of Cranky Old People, which I'm totally comfortable with because I'm 33 now and I've made my peace with it. But at some point when I wasn't looking, it's like a whole mess of people decided that saying "no" to their children would suppress their little ones' creativity and spirit and life force.

What it might suppress is their badassness, and I'm fully supportive of this.

The Starbucks parents--and there were several of them in a steady stream--let their children wander around, yell, throw things on the ground, touch strangers' computers (NOOOOOOO), and then gave me dirty looks when I said firmly to their kids, "Do not touch this. This is not yours." (I bet you those kids didn't come back by me again, though.)

Raise your damn kids.

Or when I was waiting for the subway recently and a kid who was maybe 3 or 4 was jumping around perilously near the train tracks, with nary a glance from his parents:

Raise your damn kids.

A friend of mine once complained that his teenage daughter, who was still in high school at the time, had stayed out all night and not come home until 5 THE NEXT AFTERNOON and hadn't told them where she'd been. I asked if they had grounded her. "How do you ground an 18-year-old?" he asked plaintively. Ummm..."you're grounded"? How about "since you are entirely financially and emotionally dependent upon us, you can forget about using your cell phone or the car or the computer or any other item that renders your existence non-Amish-like until you remember how the house rules work?"

I cannot imagine trying to pull that on my parents when I was in high school. When I say "I can't imagine," I literally mean "the human mind doesn't have the capacity to go to that dark space." I don't know what they would have done. I just know, you see the face of God and you die. The most you can bear is a glimpse of the shadow as you hide in the cleft of the rock. You don't test it.

Raise. Your. Damn. Kids.

People who know me know that I have a lot of children in my life, but there is one that I have a particular measure of responsibility for, who has lived with me and for whom I make most of the educational decisions. Phenias is 13 now, and recently his school cracked down on porn on the kids' phones. My concerns about this are one of the reasons I advised Phen's dad not to let him have a cell phone (if you have an emergency, you can use an adult's cell phone, because you are 13 and you should therefore not be out of the reach of a responsible adult). He was one of the few kids not caught up in the sting. When his teacher asked him why, I am told he responded solemnly, "Shannon said if I ever got caught with porn, it was gonna be a shitshow. (Note: my pastor has said of disciplining children, "Do not underestimate the power of an appropriately timed curse word" and I was using that technique here.) I don't know what that means, but she never lied." HA! A little appropriate fear and respect goes a long way.

Now I am the first to agree it takes a village. (That sounds so wise-African-proverb/ubuntu-y/Hillary Clinton, doesn't it?) But from one village elder to another: stop letting the village children run the village council. Stop letting them vote. This is not a democracy. It is a benevolent dictatorship.

And if you can't get on board with that, your village needs to not reach beyond the confines of your house. Certainly it shouldn't reach all the way to my Starbucks.