Back by popular demand

Sorry I've been so slack on the posting, guys, I promise to be better.

So let's play a game called "What Have the Egyptians Invented?" Here's the short answer: everything! At least according to Tariq, who is our guide on our Thursday field trips, which so far have included the pyramids at Saccara and Giza, the Sphinx, Coptic churches, some mosques, and medieval Cairo. And at every stop, Tariq informs us that Egypt was the innovator or leader in some great cultural advancement we all take for granted. Example:

"Do you see these steps leading up to the platform of the pyramid? They are the first steps in the world. Egypt invented stairs."

"These arches hold up the building. Egyptians invented arches." And so on.

My friend Steel and I got a little tired of it after a while. I mean, we get it, you were a great and magical country, although now you survive only because of American foreign aid, but you did not invent everything in the whole world. So now on field trips Steel and I riff on Tariq, like this:

Tariq: "The way they preserved the internal organs of mummies was the first..."
Steel: "Egyptians invented modern medicine."
Me: "Egyptians invented *death*, Steel. And possibly resurrection."

Tariq: "These lamps are the very finest in the world."
Steel: "Egypt invented lamps."
Me: "Egypt actually invented light. And the sun."

Tariq: "This hieroglyph is the first piece of art to depict children as they actually are, with rounded bodies and softer features."
Me: "Egyptians invented modern art."
Steel: "Egyptians invented *all* art, Shannon. Just make it easy on yourself. ALL art."

So on the last field trip, we are standing in a circle around an arched ceiling in some mosque, and Tariq is going on about the workmanship and the innovative architecture, and he says "Egypt invented the squinch," which is apparently some architectural thing but I believe also a Dr. Seuss character. And I start looking around for Steel, who is on the other side of the room, and he catches my eye, and he is smirking. "The squinch," he mouths, and points to the ceiling with mock awe. And I just lose it--at exactly the time Tariq decides to turn his full attention to me (I am standing near him) and act as if he is giving a lecture for one. So I stand trying to look properly interested and respectful, but my laughter is hovering between my face and mouth, and I am SO BAD at hiding what I am thinking, and it does not help that Steel and Michael, who have watched this whole exchange but are standing across the room far from Tariq, have turned their backs to the group and are laughing so hard I can see their shoulders shaking. I finally step back behind someone and shriek with silent laughter. Later on Steel says "That was the worst imitation of someone trying not to laugh I have ever seen. You actually have *no* ability to hide what you are thinking!" I was like, Steel, you are only one in a long line of people to have discovered and mocked this in me.

My other adventure in the mosque occurred when I noticed people sleeping there--because apparently, if it's not prayer time, it's OK to duck into your local mosque and take a nap. I point this out to Steel, and immediately his eyes gleam. "Go lie down next to one of them and I'll take your picture," he says. "It would be the best picture EVER." Absolutely not, say I, but I am already thinking that it actually would be an awesome picture. But there are other people around, including the mullahs, and I'm pretty sure this would be seen as inappropriate. But Steel and Michael are tag-teaming now. "Best. Picture. EVER," says Michael, and Steel chimes in, "I'll pay you 100 pounds. Please do it, you'll hate yourself if you don't." And I say, guys, if this guy wakes up while we're doing this, I'm pretty sure he has to either kill me or marry me.

Steel: "I feel like if he married you, *you* would kill *him.*
Michael: "One of you is definitely not coming out of this alive, but smart money is on you."
Steel: "Because you persevere."

And so on. In the end I stood firm, but then I regretted it all day. So next time we go to a mosque we're totally on for it. We're just going to make sure that as soon as the photo is taken, we make tracks out the door and back to the hotel. And it will be the picture that goes on the Christmas cards.