Unitarians: What's the Point?

Hello from the hallowed halls of Harvard! Harvard sure thinks they're hallowed, I'll tell you that for free. I've never seen such a self-satisfied place. I am becoming more conservative by the day just to push back against the group-think orthodoxy here. Soon you'll hear I've joined the NRA and started giving my student loan money to Focus on the Family.

But there will be plenty of time to talk about the many foibles of this joint. First, let's talk about the Unitarians.

Why? Why, Unitarians? What's the point? Why bother? By my lights about half the M.Div students are Unitarian, which is roughly 60% of the Unitarian population in America. C'mon, you know you've only ever met like 5 outside of Massachusetts. It's not really a religion that ever took off, except here. I'll hazard a couple of guesses on why that is: 1) Unitarians believe people are basically good and becoming better, while those of us who stayed awake through eighth grade history are a little more skeptical, and 2) their music sucks.

A basic primer for the uninitiated: Unitarians, who are properly called Unitarian-Universalists, or UU's, believe in one God (hence the Unitarian, as opposed to Trinitarian) and that S/He can be found everywhere and in everyone (hence the Universalist). Things Unitarians Don't Do: they don't have a creed. They don't have a sacred text. They don't believe in divine revelation. They don't believe in redemption and sanctification or anything about Jesus except he seems like a nice guy. They don't believe in hell; not sure about heaven. Things Unitarians Do: recycle. And go to antiwar rallies.

I play a little game with my classmate called Spot the Unitarian, in which when you think you've identified another Unitarian in class, you hiss "Unitarian!" and slap your hand on the desk like you're buzzing in. We can pick them out by the inane things they say. I believe my favorite was last week, when we were talking about various ways of conceptualizing sin: sin as rebellion, as sickness, as brokenness, as violation of creation, etc. Girl in the front row raises her hand. "I don't find sin to be a helpful concept," she said. "Unitarian!" my classmate and I hissed, buzzing in (I narrowly won). "Apparently she doesn't find truth to be a helpful concept either," I whispered. "Or common sense," she whispered back. Unitarian Girl, oblivious to the fact that I was now 10 points ahead in the game thanks to her, droned on, "My mom's spiritual mentor said she thinks of sin as being untrue to your authentic self, and I find that more helpful because it calls people back to their own selves," she said. Yeah, people, you can ponder that all you want and it won't make any more sense on the tenth read-through than it did on the first. I lobbied unsuccessfully for double points based on the fact that she was like Unitarian squared.

When I go back to my authentic self, I find someone who's pretty selfish and petty and argumentative and arrogant, not to mention prone to making fun of foolish people on her blog. Is this the self Unitarian Girl would have me go back to for truth and light? Because this is what I'm working with, people. It's what we're all working with.

Having established that UG didn't really have much use for sin, redemption, salvation, or God, my classmate leaned over and whispered, "So why does she want to be in ministry?" And that's really my question.

Here's the thing: I totally get that you want to make the world a better place, Unitarians. I get that, and I applaud it. You should be social workers, and Legal Aid attorneys, and inner-city teachers, even though honestly I don't think you'll last very long in any of those careers because they will all challenge your belief in the innate goodness of humanity, but you should give it a shot. And you should recycle to your heart's content, and go to protests, and put bumper stickers that say "War Is Not the Answer" (really? doesn't that depend on the question?) on your hybrid cars, and I will support and applaud you. But don't call yourself a church. That's all I'm saying: you're not a church. Churches are communities bound by common belief and a common Savior, redeemed from our common sin and called to live uncommon lives. We don't always like each other, but we're tethered to each other, so we stick it out, bearing one another's burdens, encouraging and holding each other accountable, sometimes disciplining (I know, Unitarians! Disciplining! It's CRAZY out there!), sometimes edifying, celebrating and grieving together.

A common belief in recycling and the Democratic Party does not a church make (though, church folk, we should recycle more and give the Dems another look, just so we're clear on that). So don't call yourself a church. You can be a club! Or a convening! You can get matching hats! I'm with you, Unitarians, I would totally support all of that!

But if you can't say "I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting," then church maybe isn't the best description of what you are. Give it some thought.